


Dreams Do Come True

by raptor4d4



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Blow Jobs, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Hand Jobs, Lesbian Sex, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Sex, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 03:49:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5897050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raptor4d4/pseuds/raptor4d4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever wonder what happens when you fall asleep while "enjoying" the latest copy of Fornax magazine?  As Joker finds out, you get some very exciting dreams...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dreams Do Come True

This story was inspired by a pic created by the artist Shitty Horsey.

Check out the rest of his works on his tumblr!

http://shittyhorsey.tumblr.com/

[Disclaimer]

Mass Effect and its characters are the property of Bioware and Electronic Arts.

This is purely a work of fan-fiction and 100% non-canon.

This fan-fiction is free, written for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of others.

Please support Bioware by purchasing the Mass Effect games, books and comics!

** Dreams Do Come True **

**Joker:** “Oh yeah! Fuck yeah!”

Late one evening aboard the Normandy SR-2 Joker sat alone in the cockpit, his pants on the floor next to his pilot seat and his datapad displaying the latest copy of Fornax in his hand. He masturbated furiously to this very special edition: the Shepard Edition. A series of pictures, all featuring Jane Shepard in a variety of sexy poses and sexual situations, blinked on and off the datapad in a slideshow.

There was one of Shepard masturbating with a vibrator. There was one of Shepard having anal sex. There was even one of a hanar groping Shepard’s breasts while simultaneously giving her oral and vaginal sex.

Joker was sure all these pictures were fake but that didn’t make them any less hot. He loved EDI but sex at the moment was…difficult. Just yesterday EDI attempted something she saw in one of Joker’s porn vids. The memory makes Joker wince every time it enters his mind.

So until they figure things out Joker will just have to settle for some Fornax.

**Joker:** “That’s it! Fuck Shepard in the ass! Give it to her harder!”

He masturbated more furiously as the pictures became more and more hardcore. Even though he was in the cockpit Joker wasn’t concerned at all about being interrupted. At that hour everyone was in bed. Even EDI retired her body to the AI core and shut off the bridge cameras to give Joker some privacy. He was free to masturbate in peace. At least, he was supposed to be…

Before Joker could cum he heard the sound of the cockpit door opening.

**Shepard:** “Joker!”

**Joker, thinking:** “Oh fuck!”

He was in trouble. His seat was turned away from the door so Shepard couldn’t see he wasn’t wearing any pants. Unfortunately his pants were still on the floor. They were within reach but there was no way he could grab them without telling the world he was naked from the waist down.

**EDI:** “Are we interrupting something, Jeff?”

**Joker, thinking:** “Oh double fuck!”

He tried desperately to keep his cool.

**Joker:** “Um…actually, yes. Could you…step back outside for a few minutes? Please? I’m doing some, uh…sensitive…calibrations! Yeah, sensitive calibrations! Garrus isn’t the only one who can calibrate stuff!”

Joker heard a snicker. He wasn’t fooling anyone. He was busted.

**Shepard:** “You don’t need to lie, Joker. In fact, we came at just the right time. Could you turn around?”

Joker felt his heart skip a beat.

**Joker:** “Uh, no.”

Shepard chuckled.

**Shepard:** “EDI?”

Joker heard some beeping and suddenly his chair began to rotate on its own. EDI was taking control of it. He tried to make a grab for his pants but missed. All he could do was cover his privates with his datapad and hope it was enough.

Joker closed his eyes tight. He couldn’t look Shepard and EDI in the eye right now. He just couldn’t. Someone snickered again. But it didn’t sound like Shepard…?

**EDI:** “Jeff, open your eyes.”

He shook his head.

**Joker:** “Not until you leave.”

**Shepard:** “We’re not leaving, Joker. And I’ll tell you why. EDI told me about your…mishap yesterday.”

He blushed in humiliation.

**Joker, thinking:** “Oh, EDI! Why’d you do that…?”

**Shepard:** “I hate to see two lovers having a hard time. So when EDI came to me and ask for some tips, I decided a ‘hands-on’ lesson would be the best approach.”

Joker wasn’t sure what he was hearing. A hands-on lesson? What did she…?

He slowly opened his eyes a crack and then they instantly snapped open. Shepard was standing in the doorway with EDI. Shepard’s girlfriend Samantha was there too. And they were both naked. Suddenly his datapad was insufficient covering…

**Shepard:** “Tonight you and I are going to show EDI the proper way to have sex. I hope you don’t mind but Samantha has asked to ‘audit’ the lesson.”

Samantha snickered. She was the one doing all the snickering.

**Samantha:** “Don’t mind me. I’ll just be over here…enjoying the lesson…”

Samantha settled down in one of the co-pilot seats. She turned her head to watch Joker and, with a devious smile on her face, started masturbating.

Joker was speechless. Was this…a dream?

He was so distracted by Samantha that he didn’t notice Shepard approach until she snatched the datapad out of his hands. He quickly tried to cover his erect dick with his hands while Shepard examined the datapad, the Fornax pictures of her still flashing across the screen. Joker desperately tried to think of something to say.

**Joker:** “That’s…um…I…I-It’s disgusting, Shepard! Making those fake pictures of you! You know what you should do? Next time you’re on the Citadel, get a lawyer and sue them!”

Surprisingly, Shepard smiled slyly.

**Shepard:** “Who says they’re fake?”

Shepard handed the datapad to EDI who was now kneeling in front of Joker’s chair, ready to learn. Joker was dumbstruck again as Shepard kneeled alongside the chair. She took his rock-hard dick in her hands and held it upright for EDI.

**Shepard:** “Now our first lesson tonight is going to be the handjob. This is good foreplay to get your man nice and hard. Start off by taking his dick in your hand and begin stroking it gently…”

Shepard began moving her hand slowly up and down his dick. Shepard was good. _Really_ good. Joker had to struggle not to cum during the first part of the lesson. This became even harder as her hand picked up speed.

**Shepard:** “Get a rhythm going and pick up the pace a little bit. Now since Joker is already pretty hard we can’t practice that much. We’ll just move on to the next part of the lesson. The blowjob.”

Shepard leaned in closer until her face was an inch away from his dick.

**Shepard:** “Now a demonstration will work better than a lecture for this part. Watch closely, EDI. _Very_ closly…”

She opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue. Shepard slowly swirled her tongue around the tip of Joker’s dick. Then she started working her way down the sides until his entire dick was covered in her saliva. When it was ready Shepard started sucking the tip. Slowly but surely she worked his dick further and further into her mouth until finally she had swallowed almost the entire thing.

Shepard started giving Joker a vigorous blowjob. Meanwhile Samantha started masturbating furiously, groping her breasts and sticking her fingers deep inside her pussy. EDI just sat and watch Shepard intently. Joker kept telling himself that this had to be a dream. It had to be a dream.

He tried to fight it but he couldn’t hold it in anymore. Joker came in Shepard’s mouth. She caught every last drop and pulled Joker’s dick out of her mouth. She turned to face EDI and opened her mouth, showing off all the semen she had caught. She swirled it around in her mouth with her tongue for a few moments before swallowing it.

**EDI:** “I’m impressed, Shepard, that you managed to catch and swallow it all.”

**Shepard:** “Krogan cum a lot more than humans do. If I can catch it all from a krogan blowjob, I can catch it all from a human.”

This was a side of Shepard Joker had never seen before. She was all tough and dangerous in public but was that all a cover for a big sex freak?

**Joker, thinking:** “This is a dream. This has to be a dream…”

If it was a dream, it was a damn good one. Joker thought they were done. Far from it. Shepard took hold of Joker’s dick again.

**Shepard:** “Now we’ll move on to the main event. Vaginal sex!”

Were Joker’s ears working right? Did Shepard say…

Before he could finish that train of thought, Shepard answered it for him. She positioned herself over Joker and held his dick upright. Even though he just came he was rock hard again.

**Shepard:** “Now. Position yourself just right and…”

She rubbed the tip of his cock against her dripping wet pussy.

**Shepard:** “Thrust!”

Shepard went balls deep with just one thrust.

**Joker:** “WHOA!!!”

This was incredible! She was fucking him! _Shepard_ was fucking him! And it was damn GOOD!! Joker’s dick went deep into Shepard’s tight pussy. She bounced up and down in his lap all while giving tips to EDI about the best way to move your hips and things like that. But Joker heard none of it. All he could think about was the beautiful, sexy woman fucking him and the hot lesbian masturbating to his right.

**Joker, thinking:** “This has to be a dream… It _is_ a dream! And if it’s a dream, I might as well enjoy myself!”

He grabbed Shepard’s hips and pushed her down harder onto his deep, ramming his dick deeper and deeper into her pussy.

**Shepard:** “Whoa! See? He’s getting into it!”

It didn’t take long before Joker needed to cum again. Should he cum inside her?

**Joker:** “Shepard! I’m cumming! I’m cumming!”

**Shepard:** “Cum! Cum inside me! Cum inside me!”

He did just that. Joker shot his load inside her. Shepard moaned with pleasure and Samantha did the same, having cum herself. Shepard pulled Joker’s dick out and got up. She stood in front of EDI and spread her legs, letting Joker’s cum drip out of her and onto the floor.

**Shepard:** “Want a taste, EDI?”

EDI nodded. She reached out and stuck two fingers into Shepard’s pussy. When she pulled them back out they were dripping with Shepard and Joker’s cum. She stuck them into her mouth and gave them a long taste. Joker began to wonder if EDI even _could_ taste anything.

**EDI:** “Hmm… So this is what you and Jeff taste like…”

Apparently she could.

**Shepard:** “Alright, EDI. I think it’s your turn now.”

Shepard stepped aside and EDI crawled up to Joker. She took his dick in her hands and slowly started stroking it.

**EDI:** “If you are agreeable, I would like to practice my handjob first.”

Joker could only nod. He was getting tired from the sex he had already but he still wanted more. EDI started off slowly but began to pick up speed. Her hand went up and down his dick faster…and faster…and faster! Soon her hand was moving at speeds no human could achieve. Before he could even open his mouth to say anything Joker came again, this time shooting it everywhere, including all over EDI’s face.

EDI slowly ran her fingers over the metallic surface of her face, accumulating all the cum onto her fingers. When she was finished she stuck them in her mouth and gave them another long taste, slowly sliding her fingers out of her mouth when finished.

**EDI:** “I’m sorry, Jeff. I seem to have made a mess. Allow me to clean it all up.”

EDI opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue. Joker never paid much attention to it until now. It looked almost…human! As in life-like human! Moist with saliva even! Just like Shepard showed her EDI started to lick the tip of Joker’s cock. She cleaned off all the cum and proceeded to lick the rest of his cock clean. When she was done she put her lips around the tip and started sucking gently. Slowly she worked more and more of his cock into her mouth until she was giving him a full blowjob. It felt almost as good as Shepard’s!

**Joker:** “Oh fuck yes! EDI! Where’d you get that tongue?! I thought you’d just have a metal one!”

One advantage EDI has is that she can speak even if her mouth is otherwise…engaged. EDI’s old holographic projection appeared next to Joker’s chair.

**EDI:** “Remember, this body was originally designed as an infiltration unit. The Illusive Man foresaw that some seduction techniques would be required to access certain areas or gain information. This body was deployed to Mars before the seduction programming could be finished but this body is otherwise equipped to participate in any sexual activity.”

The hologram disappeared and EDI kept sucking.

Shepard stood back and watched them with a big smile on her face. Samantha had left her chair and eased up next to her.

**Samantha:** “Jane, sweetie?”

**Shepard:** “Yes, Sammy?”

**Samantha:** “While EDI’s getting some practice how about you and I fuck?”

Joker had absolutely no idea where she was keeping it until now but he suddenly realized Samantha had a long double-ended dildo in her hands. Shepard didn’t reply but instead got on all fours and stuck her ass into the air. Samantha knelt down and started working one end of the dildo into her pussy. She was already soaking wet and dripping with Joker cum so it slid in very easily. Samantha then turned around and got on all fours herself. It took some work but she managed to get the other end of the dildo into her own pussy.

The two lovers fucked each other good and long, moving back and forth, sliding the dildo in and out of their pussies, their butt cheeks jiggling as they slapped each other.

Joker was in heaven. EDI sucking his dick…a pair of hot lesbians having sex right in front of him…

This was the best dream EVER!!!

Holo-EDI popped back up again.

**EDI:** “Jeff, I detect you are about to ejaculate. My mouth is ready to receive all your semen.”

Within moments Joker came for a fourth time that night. He didn’t remember much after that. Exhausted from having so much sex everything quickly turned black…

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!!!

Joker woke with a start. An alarm clock he set in the cockpit had gone off. Joker quickly looked around. It was seven in the morning and he was alone in the cockpit. His pants were still on the floor next to his chair, right where he had left them, and his datapad was resting in his lap. Joker was both relieved and disappointed.

**Joker:** “So it _was_ a dream…”

Realizing anyone could walk in the door any minute, Joker quickly put his pants back on. He set the ship on autopilot and got up to hit the head.

On his way to the elevator he passed Samantha, already hard at work at her terminal by the galaxy map. She didn’t look up at him as he approached.

**Joker:** “Um…good morning, Traynor.”

**Samantha:** “Good morning, Joker.”

She still didn’t look at him. Joker stood there for a moment and watched her, looking for any kind of sign that perhaps last night wasn’t some dream after all. But there was no reaction from Samantha. She was completely relaxed and utterly disinterested in Joker. Disappointed once again, Joker proceeded to the elevator.

**Samantha:** “Joker?”

He stopped and turned back.

**Joker:** “Yeah?”

**Samantha:** “I almost forgot. Shepard asked me to give you this when I saw you.”

Still without looking up she pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket and handed it to him. Joker took it and stepped into the elevator. Once the door had closed he opened it up and read it. Then he read it again. And a third time. And a fourth time. By the twentieth time the note grew very hard to read. His eyes were too blurry from the happy tears that were rolling down his cheeks.

_Excellent lesson last night._

_EDI learned a lot._

_She asked for another lesson._

_Come to my quarters at 8pm tonight._

_Liara wants to audit this lesson too._

**Joker, tearfully:** “Dreams… _do_ come true!”

**_THE END_ **


End file.
